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Merry Belated Christmas!


I'm a terrible blogger, I really am... I'm sorry.

Ohh BTW, rant alert.... i'd leave the premesis prontoif i were you, unless you wanna get trapped in whine-fest 08.

So yeah, Life's been alright in my neck of the woods in case you were wondering. Christmas was fun... different, but fun none the less. Since it was the first Christmas our family has had with the adoptive-ies mom & dad went a little overboard. There were so many gifts under the tree that morning, it was surreal. The kids had a great day and thanks to my brother's gift to the boys... there is now lego covering every square inch of the kitchen floor. Even Bella had a great day, and she NEVER has good days. (she's awfully pessimistic for a toddler) I'll admit to feeling a few pangs of jealousy because the day wasn't focused on my brother & I any longer, but i mean...that was to be expected. We're not kids any more... It's stupid to even feel bad about it.

Moving on... It was my birthday on the 27th. I am now a certified 16 year old (only not technically certified, because i dont think that it is a certifiable kinda thing) That day started off on a crappy note, lemme tell ya. I began in a pool if tears and self pity, figuring out all of the things that are wrong in my life. My journal was a sad sad place to be... After that, one by one my friends all canceled on the invite i gave them to come over to my place. They all had legitimate excuses, I just wasn't in the mood to verify that. I mean, this whole year, since all of the craziness started happening, my one fear has always been becoming obsolete, forgotten, unimportant... and then... on the one day a year that is supposedly all my own, no one cared enough to show up. I'd never voice any of this out loud of course, god I'd feel so terribly guilty. more so than i do now...

but to top it off, my parents are hurting. Everything about our situation is wearing them down. My dad's been in and out of the hospital for this problem and that problem... he seems to have problems up the ying yang. he just huffs around the house, mulling in his own miserable cloud of stress. His positivity is gone, I don't know what's happening, but i'll admit i'm scared as hell. Even worse though is my mom. She's a silent sufferer if I've ever seen one. She has a good pokerface, but every once in a while she'll let her gaurd down. I can she that she's hurting more than anyone, she's just determined to stay strong, to lull us into this false disbelief that everything will be okay. Whether she believes it herself, or if it's just a ploy to get us to stop asking if she's alright, that's yet to be seen. All i know is that they are exausted, and hurting, and pretending like they arent. I don't know how much more of them i can take... how much more THEY can take?

--Lauren

Carols Schmerols

Do christmas carols bother anyone else?

or is that just me?



I don't know what it is about them, but they are all so repetative and over played and trite and UGH they make me want to pull my hair out! Its that time of year when radio stations are ordered to play a heaping load of christmas carols, each song the same... but covered by a different person in a different way.

The worst carol offenders include

• Rocking around the christmas tree
• Silent Night
• White Christmas
• Deck the Halls
• Jingle bell rock

I'm not anti-christmas... I'm just anti christmas carol. They simply annoy me beyond belief. As i type, I currently have "jingle bells" in my head and it is driving me off the edge. Haha k, that's all.

Peace up atown down

--lauren

Oh joy... more poetry (sarcasm)

So I told you all about the guy I like now, right? his name is James, but we'll nickname him "rehab boy" for added anonymity. Well he has inspired a number of my recent poetic works, so i just thought I'd share a few small pieces before my head implodes with analyzations. Enjoy & what not:

Invisible Eyes
This pretense of normalcy is wearing to its end
The different tiers of insanity now waiting
How long can a silent voice scream without gasping for air?
How much can a single breath impact a lifetime?
From one familiar voice to the next
I exist to impress the boy inside my head...
The one with the deep voice and invisible eyes
Always elusive and critical at best
He's the force behind my modest smile
But as these contour lines blend into the face of reality
A twisted girl is born.



Sweet Skepticism
Staring at the words scrawled out before me
The ink refuses coherence with a vengeance
These tired eyes can barely read the lines
Let alone the ones between them
Your implications begin to irk my stability
And a new hope rises from uncertain depths
But I can’t fall back into this rundown routine
It must seem terribly jaded by now
Yet the only way off this idealist surplus
Is to be lobbed into my own personal hell
I'd prefer to wait till morning...



A Lucid Tomorrow
This varnished truth had overridden her rationality
A stable condition has now warped into a dangerous new being
The patronizing stance of her lead in waiting
Had become a perverse comfort to this partial girl
But the pretense of unkindness was only in her head
And all promise of a lucid tomorrow is forgotten
While the same dejected sad song repeates without mercy



Happy December :)
--lauren

What you've missed...

I'm really bored, so I'll fill you on what you've missed hearing about while I was absent from cyber space...


Halloween with the family... Jorden was a Transformer, Darieo was a storm trooper, and bella was nemo. It was adorable :)



Halloween with my friends... This is a pic of me & Lauren before we left for the big halloween party. The rest of the pics from that night are kind of inappropriate... lol yeahhh.


I got a haircut :) I really like it!

My school got a mid-term break in early november & my friends and I spent most of that time taking busses to random places and being stupid... This me & caitlin in hunters gear in the bass pro shop. That day we also built a bear, went bowling, and flirted with guys in the skatepark :)

K that's all. lol

--lauren

Everyone's a Critic...

OH my GOSH! I just realized that tomorrow is December first... That means that autumn is kinda sorta officially over! (though It's been snowing in Toronto for the past 3 weeks) I love autumn, I really do... I go for a walk at dusk almost every night in the fall, and I always go out of my way to step on very crunchy-looking leaves.

WAIT

haha I'm really going off topic here, My purpose was to tell you about the most recent Movie I've seen, which is... TWILIGHT (did you really expect anything else from me?)

SO... I saw this movie on its opening day, my friends & I skipped school to insure we got tickets. I have been, of course, a twihard twilight fan since the get go and I was really skeptical going into this movie. I was not a fan of the casting, I mean come on, Cedric Diggory cannot be Edward... it's just wrong & also, why is the volvo a freaking hatchback?!?!?! Well anyways, I saw the movie & genuinely liked it! I mean, they did leave out a few of my favourite scenes/lines, but it was great to see my favourite book brought to life. I realize that everyone interprets things differently, and My edward is different from my best friend's Edward, who is different from the casting director's Edward, who is different from the authour's Edward.

I would have picked Hayden Christensen for my Edward... but maybe that's just my inner starwars nerd coming out. :)

PEACE & LOVE & DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979

--Lauren

awwww

Me & my baby cousin/sister... isn't she so cute :)

HOT DAMN i kinda forgot about blogging...

HOLY FREAKING CRAP


It's been a LOOOOOOONG time since I've posted anything... I feel kinda bad.

Hrmmmmmm, so what's new with my life? Well... let's see...

• I became infatuated with the x-con in my english class. He's fresh outta rehab & is trying to make something with his life. He's really good looking (he has the whole 'tough guy" thing going for him) and he writes poetry *sigh* just like me... I saw them on facebook :) I kind of sort of love him, but he's really intimidating so I'm a wee bit scared to talk to him. & he and I are complete opposites, so i dunno what i would talk to him about. being a teenager sucks.
• I got an academic award for my achievements in the English Department. I had to walk across the stage infront of my whole school and accept a certificate from the principal. But of course dun dun dunnnnnnn, I had to trip on my shoelace and nearly faceplant into the gound... Poise & I do not hold the same company, obviously.
• I got a job. You are now looking at the new retail sales woman at Kiddie Kobler, a kids shoe store. it's my first job & I get my first paycheque on thursday. I'm pathetically excited for it! I'll try and remember to take a picture to document this monumental occasion.
• My best friend admitted to suffering from bulimia. it's not exactly happy news, but she's getting the help that she needs, and I've been spending a whole lot of time at her house trying to keep her as optimistic as possible. She's been doing really well & I hope that the cloud of depression goes away soon, she's been through so much...
• i entered in a contest to meet the Jonas brothers... and lost. I know i know, shocker... but i'll keep trying until i win one.
• I've written a million inconcequential poems and random crap like that to document the little things in life that most people pass by. I like writing about the comforting tick tocking of a clock, and the extravagance of an empty room... you know stupid things like that.
• I got that cervical cancer prevention needle & it hurt like hell! my mom made me get it, even though i protested. My bandaid was spiderman themed though, so that made it all good
• I realized that I really don't like dogs.

So now that we're all caught up, let's return to how things used to be. so stay tuned for your semi regular blog posts from your truly :) Keep fit & have fun (inside joke, sorry)

--lauren <3>