blah blah blah

Merry Belated Christmas!


I'm a terrible blogger, I really am... I'm sorry.

Ohh BTW, rant alert.... i'd leave the premesis prontoif i were you, unless you wanna get trapped in whine-fest 08.

So yeah, Life's been alright in my neck of the woods in case you were wondering. Christmas was fun... different, but fun none the less. Since it was the first Christmas our family has had with the adoptive-ies mom & dad went a little overboard. There were so many gifts under the tree that morning, it was surreal. The kids had a great day and thanks to my brother's gift to the boys... there is now lego covering every square inch of the kitchen floor. Even Bella had a great day, and she NEVER has good days. (she's awfully pessimistic for a toddler) I'll admit to feeling a few pangs of jealousy because the day wasn't focused on my brother & I any longer, but i mean...that was to be expected. We're not kids any more... It's stupid to even feel bad about it.

Moving on... It was my birthday on the 27th. I am now a certified 16 year old (only not technically certified, because i dont think that it is a certifiable kinda thing) That day started off on a crappy note, lemme tell ya. I began in a pool if tears and self pity, figuring out all of the things that are wrong in my life. My journal was a sad sad place to be... After that, one by one my friends all canceled on the invite i gave them to come over to my place. They all had legitimate excuses, I just wasn't in the mood to verify that. I mean, this whole year, since all of the craziness started happening, my one fear has always been becoming obsolete, forgotten, unimportant... and then... on the one day a year that is supposedly all my own, no one cared enough to show up. I'd never voice any of this out loud of course, god I'd feel so terribly guilty. more so than i do now...

but to top it off, my parents are hurting. Everything about our situation is wearing them down. My dad's been in and out of the hospital for this problem and that problem... he seems to have problems up the ying yang. he just huffs around the house, mulling in his own miserable cloud of stress. His positivity is gone, I don't know what's happening, but i'll admit i'm scared as hell. Even worse though is my mom. She's a silent sufferer if I've ever seen one. She has a good pokerface, but every once in a while she'll let her gaurd down. I can she that she's hurting more than anyone, she's just determined to stay strong, to lull us into this false disbelief that everything will be okay. Whether she believes it herself, or if it's just a ploy to get us to stop asking if she's alright, that's yet to be seen. All i know is that they are exausted, and hurting, and pretending like they arent. I don't know how much more of them i can take... how much more THEY can take?

--Lauren

Carols Schmerols

Do christmas carols bother anyone else?

or is that just me?



I don't know what it is about them, but they are all so repetative and over played and trite and UGH they make me want to pull my hair out! Its that time of year when radio stations are ordered to play a heaping load of christmas carols, each song the same... but covered by a different person in a different way.

The worst carol offenders include

• Rocking around the christmas tree
• Silent Night
• White Christmas
• Deck the Halls
• Jingle bell rock

I'm not anti-christmas... I'm just anti christmas carol. They simply annoy me beyond belief. As i type, I currently have "jingle bells" in my head and it is driving me off the edge. Haha k, that's all.

Peace up atown down

--lauren

Oh joy... more poetry (sarcasm)

So I told you all about the guy I like now, right? his name is James, but we'll nickname him "rehab boy" for added anonymity. Well he has inspired a number of my recent poetic works, so i just thought I'd share a few small pieces before my head implodes with analyzations. Enjoy & what not:

Invisible Eyes
This pretense of normalcy is wearing to its end
The different tiers of insanity now waiting
How long can a silent voice scream without gasping for air?
How much can a single breath impact a lifetime?
From one familiar voice to the next
I exist to impress the boy inside my head...
The one with the deep voice and invisible eyes
Always elusive and critical at best
He's the force behind my modest smile
But as these contour lines blend into the face of reality
A twisted girl is born.



Sweet Skepticism
Staring at the words scrawled out before me
The ink refuses coherence with a vengeance
These tired eyes can barely read the lines
Let alone the ones between them
Your implications begin to irk my stability
And a new hope rises from uncertain depths
But I can’t fall back into this rundown routine
It must seem terribly jaded by now
Yet the only way off this idealist surplus
Is to be lobbed into my own personal hell
I'd prefer to wait till morning...



A Lucid Tomorrow
This varnished truth had overridden her rationality
A stable condition has now warped into a dangerous new being
The patronizing stance of her lead in waiting
Had become a perverse comfort to this partial girl
But the pretense of unkindness was only in her head
And all promise of a lucid tomorrow is forgotten
While the same dejected sad song repeates without mercy



Happy December :)
--lauren

What you've missed...

I'm really bored, so I'll fill you on what you've missed hearing about while I was absent from cyber space...


Halloween with the family... Jorden was a Transformer, Darieo was a storm trooper, and bella was nemo. It was adorable :)



Halloween with my friends... This is a pic of me & Lauren before we left for the big halloween party. The rest of the pics from that night are kind of inappropriate... lol yeahhh.


I got a haircut :) I really like it!

My school got a mid-term break in early november & my friends and I spent most of that time taking busses to random places and being stupid... This me & caitlin in hunters gear in the bass pro shop. That day we also built a bear, went bowling, and flirted with guys in the skatepark :)

K that's all. lol

--lauren

Everyone's a Critic...

OH my GOSH! I just realized that tomorrow is December first... That means that autumn is kinda sorta officially over! (though It's been snowing in Toronto for the past 3 weeks) I love autumn, I really do... I go for a walk at dusk almost every night in the fall, and I always go out of my way to step on very crunchy-looking leaves.

WAIT

haha I'm really going off topic here, My purpose was to tell you about the most recent Movie I've seen, which is... TWILIGHT (did you really expect anything else from me?)

SO... I saw this movie on its opening day, my friends & I skipped school to insure we got tickets. I have been, of course, a twihard twilight fan since the get go and I was really skeptical going into this movie. I was not a fan of the casting, I mean come on, Cedric Diggory cannot be Edward... it's just wrong & also, why is the volvo a freaking hatchback?!?!?! Well anyways, I saw the movie & genuinely liked it! I mean, they did leave out a few of my favourite scenes/lines, but it was great to see my favourite book brought to life. I realize that everyone interprets things differently, and My edward is different from my best friend's Edward, who is different from the casting director's Edward, who is different from the authour's Edward.

I would have picked Hayden Christensen for my Edward... but maybe that's just my inner starwars nerd coming out. :)

PEACE & LOVE & DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979

--Lauren

awwww

Me & my baby cousin/sister... isn't she so cute :)

HOT DAMN i kinda forgot about blogging...

HOLY FREAKING CRAP


It's been a LOOOOOOONG time since I've posted anything... I feel kinda bad.

Hrmmmmmm, so what's new with my life? Well... let's see...

• I became infatuated with the x-con in my english class. He's fresh outta rehab & is trying to make something with his life. He's really good looking (he has the whole 'tough guy" thing going for him) and he writes poetry *sigh* just like me... I saw them on facebook :) I kind of sort of love him, but he's really intimidating so I'm a wee bit scared to talk to him. & he and I are complete opposites, so i dunno what i would talk to him about. being a teenager sucks.
• I got an academic award for my achievements in the English Department. I had to walk across the stage infront of my whole school and accept a certificate from the principal. But of course dun dun dunnnnnnn, I had to trip on my shoelace and nearly faceplant into the gound... Poise & I do not hold the same company, obviously.
• I got a job. You are now looking at the new retail sales woman at Kiddie Kobler, a kids shoe store. it's my first job & I get my first paycheque on thursday. I'm pathetically excited for it! I'll try and remember to take a picture to document this monumental occasion.
• My best friend admitted to suffering from bulimia. it's not exactly happy news, but she's getting the help that she needs, and I've been spending a whole lot of time at her house trying to keep her as optimistic as possible. She's been doing really well & I hope that the cloud of depression goes away soon, she's been through so much...
• i entered in a contest to meet the Jonas brothers... and lost. I know i know, shocker... but i'll keep trying until i win one.
• I've written a million inconcequential poems and random crap like that to document the little things in life that most people pass by. I like writing about the comforting tick tocking of a clock, and the extravagance of an empty room... you know stupid things like that.
• I got that cervical cancer prevention needle & it hurt like hell! my mom made me get it, even though i protested. My bandaid was spiderman themed though, so that made it all good
• I realized that I really don't like dogs.

So now that we're all caught up, let's return to how things used to be. so stay tuned for your semi regular blog posts from your truly :) Keep fit & have fun (inside joke, sorry)

--lauren <3>

Fair time...

Happy October... Sorry I'm a little late.

My life has been kinda boring lately, incase you were wondering. School's kind of taken over my life, but hey... I'm trying to get into University here. my hard work's been paying off though. I'm getting a 90% in English, a 94% in accounting, an 93% in photography... and a 70% in math (but let's not talk about that last one)

Anyways, this weekend I was supposed to spend writing my speech for english, but I figured I needed some sort of teenage-esque rebellious fun. Every year, my town holds the largest agricultural fair in Canada (yeah, I live in a town that does that kinda thing) and every year there is a 'teen video-dance' on the friday night. Pretty much everyone living in or surrounding my town who is between 14-20 goes to this dance. No one ever actually wants to go, but in my town, you are kind of obligated to go... it's just the thing that you do.

It's actually not as lame as it sounds... it's actually pretty hardcore. about 90% of the kids there are either drunk, or high, or a little bit of both. It's like any other teenage dance, loud hip-hop music blaring through speakers, security gaurds around the perimeter waiting for a fight to break out (which always happens), and a mass of grinding, hormonally charged teenagers.

I met this guy there... Adam. He's from the next town over, totally hot. We danced for a long time, he tried to make out with me, but he was a wee bit drunk so I wasn't feeling it. (my 2 friends & I were some of the few sober people there. We just weren't interested in drinking... and there were cops everywhere booking people) But yeah, I gave him my number and talked to him today, and he's still super nice when sober. :)

so yeah, now I'm screwed for my english speech that I was supposed to write, but what ever... the only thing worse than going to the markham fair, is being the person who didn't go to the markham fair.

Peace&love&deathfromabove1977

--lauren

my friends are aberzombies...

WOAH! I kind of forgot about my lovley blog for a few weeks there... sorry if anyone is actually reading this :)

School's been mega busy lately... I have 2 freaking english essays due on monday... WHAT THE HELL? who gives a class 2 essays at the same time? I'm pretty sure I failed my math test on thursday... good times. *cough*

My school district had a PA day, which is a day once a month or so where students don't have to go to school, but the teachers do (HA! sucks to be them) Anyways, a bunch of friends & I decided to go chill in downtown toronto... we did A LOT of shopping (mostly at holister & Abercrombie... BARF) and i realized that my friends do not have the same love for urban outfitters as i do. I spent pretty much the entire content of my savings account, and around 4 we hopped on the go train home.

On the train me & my friends were brain storming ideas for our feature film (we're gonna put it on youtube, I'll link it here when it's done) but all of the sudden some woman a few rows down started coughing. She was choking! it was soooo scary! Thankfully the person beside her knew the heimlich maneuver... but we had to stop the train in some sketchy looking town and call an ambulance for her.

We didn't get home until 6ish... then I went to dinner with my other friend for her sweet 16. We had korean bbq (which is the most amazing thing of life) at this resturant called chakos.

I also got a haircut (photo op)

And i think thats all the interesting stuff thats been going on. more later. for now I have 2 essays to write *cough*facebooktime*cough*

--Laurenn

essay outlines are... fun.

We're writing comparison/contrasting essays in English class, so i'm just going to spitball a few ideas. By all means, pay no attention.

• Idealism vs Realism
  - human nature (imperfections)
  - Relative thinking (Law of attraction)
  - psychological effects (downfals of both)
  
• Big vs Small Families
  - lovey dovey-ness (emotional support system)
  - seclusion & unimportance
  - future (population & demographics)
  
• Canadian vs American Governments
  - history (A. revolutionism vs european exploitation)
  - Powers (seperation vs fusion of leaders)
  - political powers & democracy (independant candidates influence)
  
• Modern Career Woman vs Traditional Housewife
  - closer & more involved in child rearing (traditions)
  - subservient to male role in household (feminism streak)
  - role model (?)

essays are super not fun. hope you're school work is more exciting than mine. PEACE

--Lauren

crap crap crap...

It's kind of funny how the weekend I was expecting turned out to be the total opposite... okay maybe it's not so much funny as it is painstakingly infuriating.

For the first time in a long time, I had absolutley no plans for this weekend. All of my friends are either in another counrty for the weekend, or working, or at some Future coaches of Canada course, or visiting grandparents... or something. Anyways, I planned on taking advantage of the alone time, and catch up on writing my stories, and finish reading Pride & Prejudice, and study my rational exponents so I don't fail math this year.

So I wake up this morning, and I immediatly get a list of chores to do form my dad. This is not out of the ordinary, but i was a little thrown off by the "and have it all done before noon." part. WTF? So after cleaning my room, vacuming the pool, and mopping the kitchen floor, I ask my mom what's up. This is when I found out that my aunt & uncle were comming over for their first monthly alotted supervised visit with their kids (my cousins) who have been living with my family for the past 7 months, due to my aunt and uncle being deemed unfit parents by Children's aid.

I was furious. I hated my aunt and uncle with every fiber of my being. My uncle was a drug dealer, finding himself in and out of jail every other weekend. My aunt was a neglegent mother, caring more about her monthy manicure than paying the bills. It was their fault my family fell apart, and it was their fault that i went through everything that I did. I used to blame my parents for my emotional turmoil... when in reality nothing was their fault at all.

And now my aunt & uncle are sitting in my living room, sipping on the coffe that I had to make, spending time with their three kids who deserve so much better than the parents they were given. I just can't stand to go down their and watch the scene unfold. I'd rather sit on my bed, ranting to mylaptop, listening to "Brand New" and "Justin Nozuka" trying to stable myself.

The last thing I want to do is read about Mr. Darcy's ellusive manner, or write about Parker Mac's love life.

I'm really tempted to hop out my window, climb down the drain pipe and just leave this house for an hour or two... go to starbucks, get some food in me, or go shopping or something. But it's raining... stupid forecast.

upset&emotional

--Lauren.

iz gon rain!

above is the weather forecast for tomorrow... I've run out of things to talk about, so we are moving on to remedial small talk topics, incase you were wondering.

So yeah... a lot or rain inToronto... Joy.

haha k I honestly have nothing else to say

--Borin.Lauren.

_________ of the month...

This month's theme?

Going green!

Although, of course... going green is more than just a trend. We all need to do whatever we can whenever we can to help make our planet a beter place. & never get discouraged.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

Much love & a heap of mixed recyclables

--Lauren

juxtaposition...?

précis...?

syntax...?

jargon...?

...WTF?

I have an englsih test tomorrow on this HUGE list of literary terms that we're supposed to know! On top of that, I have a math test tomorrow too... and I only got a 62% on the summative quiz! GAH I need to study... I NEED to get on the honor roll this year! It'll look so good on my university & job apps.

... But the lure of the internet is just too strong. I'll study later -she says for the millionth time this week.

UGH Fine, I'll pull out the text books now, *mumbles intellegible things at computer screen*

--Lauren.

muffins?

Procrastination... my least favourite 5 syllable word.


I should be preparing for my math quiz tomorrow... but instead I find myself blogging about trivial inconcequential things, or re-reading "Pride & prejudice". I really think I have a problem.

Anyways, If i'm going to indulge, I might as well do it thoroughly, so here's a snipit of one of those stupid myspace surveys that everyone always does:

You can only type one word, no explaining:

6. Your favorite thing? semicolon
7. Your dream last night? dull
8. Your favorite drink? milk
9. Your dream car? shiny
10. The room you're in? awesome
11. Best time of year? autumn
12. Your fears? obsolete
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? content
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Jo
15. What you're not good at? fractions
16. Muffins? delicious!

--Lauren

tiff 08

This week is the Toronto International Film Festival. It kicked off thursday night, and stars have been rolling down the red carpet on Queen st Ever since. Me & my friend decided to go check it out last night, considering it was a friday night & we had no other plans.

After school, we took the GO bus from our little town into Union station & subwayed it to Queen Street... We didn't really know what to expect, nor were we very educated on what was going on. We went to the AMC (which is this ginormous movie theatre) and attepmted to get rush tickets to see "Me and Orson Welles" the film Zac Efron was in. Unfortunately, there was some sort of rumor running around saying that Mr. Efron himself would be attending the film, so the tickets were sold out before we even got there.

We kept trekking, exploring downtown, right in the middle of the chaos. We did some shopping (mostly at Urban outfitters & the balck market, I'm a complete sucker for those stores) and we had some thai inspired dinner. The weather man was calling for rain, but luckilly that held off until we got home.

After dinner, we checked out the etalk festival party which was just buzzing with commotion. neither of us cared enough to actually weave our way through the mob of people... the scene too reminicant of a certian Jonas Brothers fiasco just 3 months ago. Standing on our tippy toes looking from afar we DID manage to get a short glimpse of Ellen Page & someone who looked an awful lot like Brad Pitt... Ohh and we saw Ben Mulroney... but he hardly counts as anyone other than the former prime minister's rebelious son. *scoff*

Oh and we tried to get into the etalk party, but some big security guy said we needed wristbands... and to be at least 3 years older... Oh well.

So that was my friday night... not overly exciting, but not dull enough to complain about any monotonity... is monotonity a word? who knows. Kay, well I'm going to go write some stuff about some things in my new story (YES i started a new one... hopefully I remember the others as well)

ciaooooo

--Lauren

bee-eff-eff ?

Are all best friends so emotionally needy?

... or is that just a trait specially reserved for my best friend?

I mean, I get it... I'm her bestfriend, I'm here to help her out, grab her a tissue when she breaksdown, and tell her that it'll all be okay... But lately (in the last few months) it's been non-stop! She over-reacts to EVERYTHING and I've gotten countless phone calls & texts at 2 in the morning saying that she hated life & hated the world & hated everything about everything. If its not complaining about the boy that doesn't notice her, its her classes that suck, or her mom on her case about something

& There is ALWAYS something. She makes problems out of absolutly nothing, and kills herself with stress and grief and sorrow. Its painful to watch, and not really be able to do anything about it... But I'm there, by her side everytime she needs me... trying to console her, or to be her reality check. I may not always say the right thing... and I may give her the answers she didn't want, but in the end, I'm there when she needs me. Every time.

But how come she can't seem to reciprocate any of that? I have problems... a hell of a lot of them to be honest. My family's messed up in ways she can't even imagine... My family's been through so much crap, including, but not limited to: Drug abuse, Jail time, cancer, deaths, foster care... the list goes on & all within the last 8 months. When I was at my worst, I tried to talk to my friend about how i felt... I needed some assurance of normalcy & the like, but no. She was "Going to her sister's dance recital". the next day she was "watching a movie on TV" and she couldn't PVR it because it was "getting to the good part" UGH

yet when when she has a freak out the day before she leaves for camp, claming that she will hate it there & won't make any friends... I was the one talking her through it, assuring her that she would have fun, texting these things While sitting in my Uncle's Funeral!!!!!

I've always been insecure of my role in the world... I hate feeling obsolete. It's bad enough to feel that way with my family, but not being good enough for my friends attention... It's just too much.

But I guess I'll have to get over it in the way I normally do... Be my own bestfriend. Sad, I know, but necessary. Writing out my feelings is probably more benificial than talking about them to someone else anyways. I'm just thankful I''m a relatively positive person... pessimism is too hard to spell.

Sorry4therant

--Lauren

see it NOW

Have you seen dark knight yet?

If the answer is no... WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU?

Ohmigosh I just saw it a few hours ago in the theatre with my friend and it blew my mind, seriously. Even if you're not really into the whole superhero/ action movie thing, this one is worth it! Really! my friend went with me (i practically had to drag her into the theatre) and her favourite movies all have Zac Efron in them, and EVEN SHE loved Dark Knight.

I love those kinds of movies... the ones with lots of action, fast-paced plotlines & a few clever jokes thrown in here & there. (Although Dark Knight has not surpassed starwars... I will be a starwars nerd for life) As far as superheros go though... batman's kind of lame. he has no powers... just lots of money & a sweet ride.

HOLY SPEEDOS BATMAN!

Haha spiderman pwns as far as i'm concerned

time4me2bounce

--Lauren

Apple Yogurt?

Today in English class we got our very first assignment back. It was just a diagnostic-type thing to see where our writing level was as an individual & so the teacher knows what to work on & so on.

Anyways, My friends all got theirs back before I did & I was starting to get really nervous & crap. I mean, I like to write, but I have no judgment as to whether I actually have any talent, ergo, this feedback was crucial.

So yeah... my turn rolled around, and the teacher called me up as she did with everyone else. My heart was racing, practically audible, as I stood before her desk. She grabbed my paper & looked up at me, revealing no prevailant expression... THE TENSION WAS UNBARABLE!

"Wow" was all Ms Attwell said at first, leaving me to stare at her incrediously. "Your entry was the best in the class" she cracked a warm smile while I just stood there, mouth gaped open in disbelief. She rambled on about my vocabulary and use of literary devices and so on... but I wasn't really paying attention. The one thing I did catch however was her referring to my writing as "Pure artistry"

Holy compliments Batman!

I'm very grateful for her nice words and such, but at the same time a little bit distraught; I don't want those words to sink in too much. I mean, they were all very nice, and much appreciated, but I don't want a big head. I don't want to start thinking that I am this amazing writer who does everything with perfection and grace... Cuz I don't. I just need to remember to work hard with every piece I submit, knowing I'm not the best writer in the world... and critizism is healthy. As much as you learn, there is always a vast amount of room for improvement.

I'm still a little diluted from that class... artisrtry... It's difficult to wrap my head around.

Ooh and I had apple yogurt for lunch today... isn't that a wierd flavour?

peace&love&everythingelse,

--Lauren

homefun

So today was the second day of school... Not a terribly BAD few days, but not my favourite either. I've decided to stay in accounting class. My dad's an accountant, so he's in parental euphoria right now... all proud & such.

English looks like a lot of work... but i know it will end up being my favourite class... again.

Photo is interesting. The class its self is fine, but I do NOT like the people in it. They are all of the popular-mean-stuckup kids who gossip about the person right next to them & flip their hair wayy too much. They all talk alot in class, meaning they will get split up... meaning a few of them will end up sitting at my table *shudders*

Math... math is the killer. I've never been good at math. I'm in the 11th grade, and I still am at a loss of knowing my times table. I took 11 University prep functions, which is a fancy way of saying "this class is super hard" On the first day we got review homeowork (only my teacher calls it homeFUN) that looked like this:we had to like... do something with exponents & something, something equivilant. Yeah, math officially sucks... and this is only REVIEW of what I'm supposed to have learned last year! god save me when we start learning something new.

gotta go do my homefun *puke*

--Lauren

insert poem title here

The sensation of wind is all that could be felt
the sunset makes it impossible to notice anything else
warm colours dance across the horizon
They can see their reflection in her eyes
in that moment she knew that she was flying
and she forgot about it all
Reality slowly began to slip away
as darkness took its course.

timetable blues

My school is oficially stupid.

I went to register for school today, and when I got my time table... they messed it up. Instead of Media Studies & Philosophy, they put me in intro to Accounting & Communications Technology.

EW

So right now my 1st semester is looking like this:

1st per. Accounting
2nd per. 11 University prep; English
3rd per. Lunch
4th per. Photography
5th per. 11 University Functions; Math

It's not so bad... but I'm still going to talk to the guidance counciler tomorrow... try and switch into something else.

ewwschooltomorrowblehhhhh,

--Lauren

Pep-Talk

So I went to Canada's Wonderland YET AGAIN today... I went with my good friend Cheryl. We had some majorly good times. My amazing uncle gave me $50 to spend on whatever, so we played Wack-a-mole for almost a good hour... Good news, we won a Giant green unicorn & a slightly more pathetic green unicorn!... Bad news... Cheryl got to keep the giant one, and I kept the pathetic one. I named him Bruno... He just looked like a burno to me.

Hmm, so registration for school is tomorrow, Signifying the start of grade 11, and the impending doom of my future... All in all my summer was really fun! I went to a few cool places, chilled with some cool people, did some awesome things. It may not have been the whole cliché best summer ever (... or is it clichè? I dunno which way the accent goes, I only got a 74% in grade 10 french) but it was definitely worth remembering. I'll never forget waiting like a hobo for 12 hours in downtown Toronto to see the Jonas Brothers, and seeing the New York skyline for the very first time. I'll never forget meeting Bret Ryan (did I tell you about that?) or spending hours beside my pool, urgently trying to tan away the paleness of my olive skin... oh and the first time Baby-Bella said my name.

This summer was full of millions of jokes that I will probably never remember, with people I know I won't ever forget. So now I guess I'm refreshed, the old Lauren wiped away... in her place is a new girl with new experiences & a new lease on life (CORNY) haha but seriously... I'm ready for whatever this year has to throw at me.

My life drastically changed, with 3 sudden additions to my intricately woven family, and a few heartwrenching losses scattered inbetween. Home has been torn upside down, and I'm not so sheltered to the world outside my house's four walls any more... But I know that none of it will phase me. I'm living this life for me now... thriving in these horrid conditions & choosing to rise above as the dust still chooses not to settle.

So now I have but only two words for you, destiny... BRING IT.

--Lauren

C-R-A-Z-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!

You know you have a problem when:

You constantly hear voices of your celebrity idols in your head... not just their music, oh no... that's too normal, but when you actually have conversations with them.

I AM INSANE!

I don't know why, but yesterday I spent the whole day conversing with a fictional version of Kevin Jonas. Not out loud or anything, but in my mind, we were having a nice little chat. He made comments about the random things that I did & we seemed to hit it off... He said my brother seemed like a cool guy, and he said that my room is wicked sweet.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

It's not even like I'm one of those obsessed fan-girls who thinks that I'm destined to marry a Jonas Brother. I just really like their music & what they stand for & crap like that...

Yeah... I need to see a therapist, PRONTO.

I'm going to my friend's sweet 16 party today, I wonder if Kevin will make an appearance in my mind today? Maybe make comments about the cake? or maybe it'll be Joe this time...

Dazed & confused,
--Lauren

livin up the last day

Went to Canada's Wonderland again today... Canada's most rockin' theme park. It was a lot of fun... until it started raining.

So me & the besities spent like, 2 hours in the gift stores there being idiots!

Today is the last day of official summer vacation, so I have to make the best of it. Going to my friend Angela's house in a little while. She has the BIGGEST collection of video games I have EVER seen, so that'll be fun! I can't wait to try out Madden o9... my brother has it, but he won't let me play it... stupid older brothers.

And Angela has the pirated version of the new star wars movie "The Clone Wars"... I'm a total star wars dork, so she's going to let me borrow it! SWEETNESS :)

Ooh and I wrote this today, Dunno if it's crap or not but I need to post it SOMEWHERE.

Silent Tears

The empty notes ring among the shallow darkness
As a single tear rolls down her cheek
She can comprehend his pain
But more importantly, She can feel her own
Another tear gently falls as her lips begin to move
No sound daring to escape
Still her torment is laced into every word, every line
But while you don’t even know...

...Neither does she.

in&out

--Lauren

The 3rd First Impression

The only good thing about the whole "Back to School" ordeal is the anual chance to redefine yourself, your style, and your attitude.

I spent countless hours at the mall today going clothes shopping... Not to impress my generation x classmates, but to really figure out who I wanted to be this year... What kind of image I wanted to portray... etc etc.

I mean, honestly, we ALL make those first day back judgments & observations like:
"She lost weight over the summer, she looks really good"
"He got a haircut... it was better before"
"so & so has a faux hawk... who are they trying to be?"

You put your best foot foreward so to speak, to determine how you will be percieved for the rest of the academic year. So socially speaking, the first day of school is VERY curcial. It's another chance at a first impression.

So while most people are sitting at home, dreading the first day of school, I'm busy planning & internalizing for it. It's really not the first day of school that we should be worried about... it's the 2nd day that's the problem.

Forever yours

--Lauren

.... so I wrote a song

True Inspiration
Melodies, constantly darting through your veins
As music leeches into your opened soul
Honesty is the one catalyst that remains
And to spread that message is your goal

You are my true inspiration
My one allocation
In a world where lies are the cornerstone
Modesty is your name
The Media is your game
Diving head first into the oblique unknown

Your days don’t end when the sun disappears
Rest is a rarity few and far between
Just a further quality to be revered
Another facet that was left unseen

You are my true inspiration
My one allocation
In a world where lies are the cornerstone
Modesty is your name
The Media is your game
Diving head first into the oblique unknown

Don’t ever put down that guitar
It’s a piece of who you are

Your beauty never ceases to astound me
The perfect style, that perfect smile
Your name shines brightly on that marquee
You just know it’s going to be worthwhile

Don’t ever put down that guitar
It’s a piece of who you are

You are my true inspiration
My one allocation
In a world where lies are the cornerstone
Modesty is your name
The Media is your game
Diving head first into the oblique unknown

You are my true inspiration.


Think of it what you may, feedback is lovely. High five and I am outtie (for realz this thime)
--Lauren

skool makes you sooper smart

SCHOOL STARTS IN 6 DAYS!


The agony is slowly setting in... and I am slowly coming out of denial mode, and into sad mode. And of course, I have to go to the one school in my whole district that starts a week early... joy.


I think we should all team up in a large school bus tipping effort:

Looks like I can't get to school today... darn.

Registration is on Monday, I'll post my shedule & stuff. I'm hoping for all easy classes first semester... it'll bode better with the summer-to-schoolyear-transition-process... I copyright that cluster of words.

ANYWHO i should be hitting the ole' dudsty trail... PEACEOUTDUDEMAN!

--Lauren

________ of the month

Hmmm... now seems like an appropriate time to start a new monthly segment... It's called _____ of the month. So once a month I'll post a picture or poem or random tidbit of information that I find online... It'll bee good I swear. This month, I'm posting this pic.

I found it on Flickr... I like it :)

mmkay bye

--Lauren

*snap snap snap snap*

Okay so I've been doing a lot of writing in the past little while... I've been doing some MAJOR soul searching this summer, and I feel like I know myself a lot better now. I dug through my old journals and stuff while I was cleaning out my room, and a lot of those old feelings and memories flooded back to me...

I don't really know how to explain it, but if you want to read some of my crap I'll post it...


Too Good
With one freckled face
Enjoy the taste of being disconnected now
But it’s not his fault
And it’s not your fault for what your mind wouldn’t allow
Those beady eyes
Were just a disguise for a destructive wrecking ball
But it’s not his fault
And it’s not your fault; it’s overrated to have it all

You had it way too good for way too long
You were too content; you were just too strong
Now you’re home again, where you don’t belong
Nothing’s been right
Since your whole life went wrong


Only
Only through darkness can we achieve light
Only through blindness can we achieve sight

Only through ignorance can we achieve education
Only through bliss can we experience damnation

Only moving forwards can we understand reverse
And only through love do we experience hurt


Soulmate
Reaching out for that small connection
Just a look, that’s all I need
Tell me that it’s real
Assure me that it’s tangible
And I’ll know my life’s not been wasted
With one touch
…Just one touch
Then I’ll smile you’ll laugh and I’ll look away
Your hand inches closer
My breath begins to shake
As my mind races to comprehend
Your unsure eyes verify the impossible
And before I can speak you whisper goodbye
Reality pixilating around us
With one final longing glance you’ve disappeared
And I’m left alone with a feeble dream
Of what could never be


I have no judgment whatsoever on my own writing, so any feedback is appreciated, but if not whatever... I dont think anyone really reads this anyways.

Ciao home slice,

--Lauren

Summer update...

DAYUM
it's been a while, n'est pas?

I can't believe that Summer's almost over... 2 months is nowhere near sufficent. But let's not dwell on the relentless outcome of the near future. I'll tell you what's been going on in my oh-so-amazing life.

Well, I decided to redecorate my bedroom... My purple, green, pink, & blue colour scheme & unicorn border were no longer up to par, so I forced my dad to drive me to Ikea, and I had a freaking feild day! I don't know about you, But I've always dreamt about living in Ikea. Anyways, I got new furniture (Dark wood, très chic) & super cool green accessories. I also biked over to home depot and bought a gallon of paint -In the process, discovering how difficult biking is when holding a gallon of paint. So I painted my room (all by myself, I'm quite proud) The colour is called "Silver Quill"... which is a fancy name for grey. After all was said & done, I was beyond happy with the turnout. The room is modern & minimalistic... I guess watching all of those design shows on HGTV payed off.

Last night me & my best friend took a walk down to the local convience store, and bought us some large pepsi flavoured slushies. We then walked another 20 minutes to the only park in our community with swings. It was around dinner time, so all of the kids were at home leaving the entire park empty. Without question, me & my friend Jo ran to the swings and started having competitions to see who could swing higher. We were there swinging for hours, laughing & talking, and for the first time... It really felt like summer. The sun was setting behind us as the wind blew our hair around. It was just perfect warm weather, and as we gained momentum with each swing, we... or at least I felt so alive, and so free. I dunno, I can't really describe it... but to me, it's the all of the small moments, that can make a summer memorable.

Ooh and today it was my friend Steph's sweet 16. It was just a small get together with about 7 or 8 of us. It was fun... we ate hotdogs & cake & chocolate covered grapes, and played Mariokart & DDR on the Wii for hours. After that we all went to the movies to see "Step Brothers" The movie was god awful, but sooooo funny! And it was hilarious to see some of my friends' reactions to all of the penis jokes & the like.

Ooh and I got the new book in the Twilight series "Breaking Dawn" the night it came out. READ IT if you haven't. I also got the new Jonas Brothers Album "A Little Bit Longer" when it came out on the 12th. AMAZING!

Before I end this post, I'll leave you with youtube links to the songs I have been obsessed with for the past week... Check em out, all have been Lauren Approved!

Streets on Fire - Lupe Fiasco
I Don't Want to Be - Gavin DeGraw
After Tonight - Justin Nozuka
Say it Again - Marie Digby
Video Girl - Jonas Brothers

So yeah. Tis all my peeps. Now go get a life :P lurveeee ya

--Lauren

Oh Towny Boys...

This weekend I was at my Friend Jo's cottage with her and her family. It was pretty fun, once you got past the fact that bugs like to bite you... I tried wakeboarding for the first time ever; and totally embarassed myself in the process... and when it rained we played a whole lotta scrabble. I am the self proclaimed scrabble champion! Even though I did loose 2 out of 3 games... Jo put down the word "edate" and swore that it was an actual word... What a lie, I looked it up when I got home, you know what it means?... NOTHING. Geeze, what a liar.

There were also 2 creepy old men in the cottage across the lake from us, and I swear they were spying on us. They kept yelling intellegible things at us when we were tanning, and i swear one of them had freaking binoculars... damn pedophiles.

We walked for an hour down to the small town nearby... and when I say small, I mean SMALL! The entire town had one traffic light, and the cool hangout was the celtic giftstore... WTF? how do people LIVE like that? we did however meet a nice towny boy. he was 17 and totally dweebie looking, but he showed us around & stuff so I gave him my number anyways... he seemed pleased with himself and has already called me... twice.

Me & Jo would also stay up every night & have these long philosophical talks about life & such... we even made up lists of 50 things to do before we die (I know it sounds morbid, but it's really not)

But I'm home now, back in Toronto where the air is not clean OR filled with mosquitoes, and my house is not on a lake, and the boys here don't ask for my number... I can't decide whether I'd rather be here or there.

--Lauren

Big apple?

On Saturday, I went on a little bit of a road trip with my cousins to New York. It was my first time in the city, so i was super excited. The drive was about 8 hours... but we made it fun by crankin' up the oldies and playing Ispy. Once we got there, we checked into our ridiculously overpriced hotel, and got settled. Our hotel was right between Soho and Chinatown, and just a block away from little italy.

We saw the sights, and the buildings, and the traffic and so on... we also saw Wicked on broadway (which was A-freaking-MAZING). I also discovered my fear of automatic-flushing toilets. We don't really have those in Canada, and I was freaked out to say the least... I don't know about you, but I find those things incerdibly creepy.

The whole time I was there, I kept asking people if they knew why NY was called the "Big Apple"... and no one seemed to know. It is still seriously bugging me.

I did some shopping, and I got some writing done while I was down there. I also found myself writing 2 poem-type things, one on the way TO new york, and on on the way BACK. Check em out here if you want to:

The City
The endless green sea streches into the vast summits of forever
This mechanical wasteland, woven intricately through
As time drags by uncharacteristicly slow;
The city waits for us.

Homesick
Her pen digs through the tattered pages
as blurred scenery and the unfamiliar pass by wordlessly
her desires have been granted much to her gratitude
although her TRUE longing is miles in the opposite direction
The inner battle rages on as she fights back tears
How can a disarry of humanity hold on so tight?
Well they say that "Home is where the heart is",
Maybe she's just too mentally apathetic to argue

--Lauren

The girl at the Rock Show

Friday June 4th 2008

After a dissapointing Thursday experience... me & my 2 friends Cheryl & Steph were less than enthused about the Actual concert. After washing all of the hobo-ness off of us in a nice long shower, and taking well deserved 12 hour rests... we were set to go See the Jonas Brothers in concert.

We didn't go early, like we had planned... instead we just got to the venue an hour early, our homemade t-shirts & posters in hand. My shirt said "Kevin is my guitar hero" and my poster said "Canadian fans are Tighter than your pants"... I thought that I was very clever :)

Of course, as soon as the music started, all of our gloomy-ness (Is that a word?) was erased, and replaced with pure elation. The show was nothing short of amazing, and our seats were really good! I was in total fan girl mode... I even wore a princess tiara so that they would notice me! They sang flawlessly, and the set was sooooo sick!

I had a great time, and it totally made up for the crappy Thursday.

(Sorry these posts are soooo fan-girly... the rest will be Jonas free i promise)

--Laurennn

Mucho Updatos.

WOW lots to say, about the past 2 weeks, so I will probably end up with 2 or more posts tonight... but we shall see.

OKAY, so...

Thurdsay July 3rd, 2008... the Jonas Brothers were comming to Toronto for a special LIVE @ MUCH interview-type-thing at Much Music. 4 of my friends and I decided that it would be an "experience" to go down to the TV station's headquarters super early and try to get really good spots so we can see them. So the whole gang and I woke up at 3:20 AM, and headed downtown. We got there at around 4:00 AM, and the line was already gargantually HUGE! we were like, 300th in line.

It was depressing... but we decided to stay & wait anyways. I mean we had already woken up at such an ungodly hour, and we were there... so we waited. It was fine and all... until about 5:30. That, was when the rain started. The five of us had only one umbrella to share, so we quickly made friends with the girls infront of us in line, for they had a pluthura of umbrellas.

two words.... BIG MISTAKE. The two girls may have seemed normal on the exterrior... oh but they were anything but. They turned out to be 3 years younger than us, and freakishly clingy. Every conversation we had from there on after included them... And one of the gils... Jen... she would just blurt out random facts about herself when we weren't talking about her. We would seriously be saying something like "This reminds me of that time in History class when..." and Jen would just blurt out "I'm kind of afraid of frogs". NO FREAKING JOKE. She was weirddd.

Anyways, the day progressed, and the rain went away by nine-ish. We took shifts manning the line spot, and going for bathroom breaks. We were all bored as hell... but we managed to occupy ourselves for 12 hours. We even got on the local news... apparently the line was so long that it was news-worthy. There literally were over 2000 people by 4PM.

At around 4, we all got to go to the stage where the boys would be interviewed, and we were actually pretty close to the front because we'd gotten there early. The show started at 5 and that's when all hell broke loose. Everyone started pushing and shoving, and it seriously got violent, just to catch a glimpse of JB. I got to touch Joe Jonas... it was amazing :)

We got a few pictures of them... but eventually the crowd became too much. These girls were freaking crazy. There was hair pulling, and shoving. My friend's toe got stepped on to the point where it got fractured. We had to leave about halfway through the interview. It was totally dissapointing. Its a week later, and I'm still trying to decide if it was worth it.

We took the subway home, and my friend had to go the the hospital for her toe. She's alright & everything... she just has a brace around her foot.

The moral of this story?

Jonas Brothers fans are C-R-A-Z-Y... fo serioius.

--lauren

O Canadaaaaaaa

These Kids are sooo my new bffs :) haha, so yeahhh today is Canada Day, Where the entire nation crowds together in fields or backyards, and set off fireworks to show our national pride. Is it the most dignified way to show pride? -not by a long shot... but fireworks are just so damn pretty :)

But anyways, It was kinda nice to see the parades & crap on Main Street, and red maple leafs everywhere you turn. I mean seriously, Canada's not a terrible place to live... It's like the USA, only lamer. And there are an abundance of moose & maple syrup... and we say "eh" like there's no tomorrow.

hitcha back soon

--Lauren

"Gazebo is a funny word"

My weekend was pretty fun.

My brother & I drove up to our cottage to help build this gazebo-type-thing that my uncle is so keen on making. it took most of saturday to make... and I got so many splinters, it's surreal. I also got a little hammer-happy and hit my pinky finger. The moral of that story was Lauren + tools = BAD NEWS. it was rainy, so i didn't get to swim in the lake, but I did lay on the beach & watch the sunset with my cottage buddy Alexa. I also got a pound of sand in my camera, so now it doesn't zoom any more... It's so sad.

I also went into town and bought a new wallet, incase you care.

haha okay, more later. Lovessssss ya!

--Lauren

About my Parents...

She would turn up the music as loud as it could go
the feeling of pure elation radiating through her body
as the chorus echoed, her smile grew wider
and she couldn't help but dance
Oh God how she would dance
He would watch her from across the room
his smile matching hers; his adoring gaze following her every move
their eyes met and she grabbed his strong hands in hers
the two of them began to dance
Oh God how they would dance.

the Gathering

Alrighty, so today I went to my Friend Caitlin's "End of year-Start of Summer pool gathering" yeahh... it was a gathering. Not quite big enough or loud enough for a party, but more than just a simple hanging out... Yes, there is a science to these kinda things.

Anyways, I had fun.

Me & my friend Steph also spent most of the day preparing for the Jonas concert in July! (7 days until the concert BTW) Haha, so we made a list of stuff we need to do, It goes a little something like this:

1. Establish bus routes to get to the venue early that morning
2. Make large posters with clever sayings on them
3. make t-shirts with glow in the dark paint
4. buy glowsticks & other flashing accesories

Haha okay, that's it for now. catch ya on the flip side yo!

--Lauren

Cap 'n gowns

It was my Brother's Highschool Grad today... The whole ordeal was kind of dull & overrated, and filled with girls crying & hugging (even though they'll most likely see each other over the summer) It was kinda nice I guess to see the next generation all dressed up & looking spiffy, offering some-what of a bright outlook for the future of Canada.

I guess when it's my turn to graduate in 2 years, I'll probably be the same way, an emotional train wreck, mascara running down my cheek, hugging all of my friends & making up with my enemies & the like... Only hopefully I'll remember to wear waterproof mascara.

And now my brother is off to bigger & better things, and is one step closer to that "real world" that adults and reality TV shows are always talking about. He's going to college to be in Radio Broadcasting. If he becomes a radio announcer, I'll definitely call in to his show and ask awkward questions :)

Alright, well I'm in a writing kinda mood... so I'm gonna go write chapter two in my newest story. Loveeeee ya!

--Lauren

Behemoth, Shmemoth.

Soooooo Today I went t0 Canada's Wonderland (a theme park) with My cousins Jess & Nate, and Nate's girl friend Elise. It was a little awkward at times when we were in line and the conversation was at a lull... but all in all it was fun times.

We were in line for 2 hours for the newest ride called the Behemoth. It's the biggest rollercoaster in Canada & the big drop is decending at 85 degrees! it was SOOOOOO fun, I can't even begin to explain.

Nothing much is planned for tomorrow... I think I'm just gonna chill at home, watch Gilmore Girls season seven & babysit Bella. (baby sister) Hrmmmmm... You know what I need? a new book. I've read just about everything in my house and I will NOT resort to those damn Chicken Soup for the Soul books that my Mom loves so much... *shudders*

ight, later home skillet.

--Lauren

School's out!

I PASSED :)

It's official, Grade ten is over, done, finished, a distant memory on the road of my scholary life (is scholary even a word?) Anyways, just thought I'd let you know. So let the fun commence!

I'm going to go see the Love Guru today at the Movies, so I'll tell you how that is. No offence to Mike Meyers or anything, but it honestly does not look promising. We shall see i guess.

Ciao For Now.

--Lauren

Procrastination is the key...

Right now I should be studying for my Canadian History exam that I have tomorrow... But I have been bitten by the procrastination bug & there is no turning back now. I've already youtubed for over an hour, written another chapter in my newest short fiction novel (yeah, I'm a writer) AND I've cleaned my room... twice.

I have ALSO made some plans for the impending summer. I'm going to Canada's wonderland on tuesday, my friend's pool party on wednsday, Jonas concert on July 4th (so excited) & I'm going to New York in a few weeks (my first time in the city). It'll be funnnnn.

Ughh I really should start outlining the essay portion of the Exam, but nothing is more boring than Canada's evolving role in the Global community -TRUST ME.

Well, I'll talk to y'all again once I pass history. Over & out.

--Lauren

Hola!

Welcome to my newest blog!

Is anyone reading this, probably not... but in a way, I guess that's a good thing. You see, I like to rant on and on about non-sensical things, point out the obvious, talk about my life (or lack there of) and spell big words incorrectly. Most people do not enjoy said things, but if you do... Boy are you in for a treat!

Haha, so Yeah I'm Lauren. I'm from Toronto Canada, and if you look up "hermit" in the dictionary, you'd probably see my picture... I'm not a loner or anything so to speak; I'm just a home body. I like my house, there is nothing wrong with that. But with my 10th grade year winding down to a triumphant finish, and summer poking it's head around that corner, I've made a resolution. (and I know resolutions are made at the start of a new year blah blah blah... but this one's a tad bit belated)

My resolution is to get out there and have FUN. I mean, I have friends... I should spend more time with them before they forget what I look like or something. I want to have the perfect summer (wow that's cliche) I want to stay up all night with my friends, and drink lots of coke, and jump on a trampoline, and teepee someone's house, and go to the beach, and sleep until noon, and go on a road trip!

Anyways, I'll be using this blog to doccument my summer & maybe a little bit more. It'll be interesting, I can assure you that. So check up on this blog every once in a while, and hopefully everything will shift into motion. I guess i should probably pass grade 10 first though. My last exam is on Monday, and after that I'm home free!

Wish me Luck!!!

--Lauren